In 2009 my Mum started writing a book, but never shared it with anyone. While clearing stuff out my Dad found a copy. Within this book my Mum had logged, for each year from 1994 to 2009, what I was planning, or getting ready for, each Spring; GCSEs, the birth of my son, new courses, new jobs, new houses, new schools for my son, taking on more care for my brother, each year bringing more hope.  She ends with the saying 'Hope Springs Forever Eternal'. And this was my Mum; Despite the apparent (to others) fuck up of my conventional life, my Mum always believed in me. She never gave up. When I turned up on her doorstep, Spring 1999, age 19, with my young son, having ran away from my 'husband', she recalls wanting to have a party! 'A mother is a mother for life, not just during ones child's childhood' she happily writes.

I remember when my Mum was really ill in 2008, she had told me then how proud she was of me, and what I'd achieved. I couldn't have done it without you, looking after my son so I could go to uni, I responded. I wish now that I could go back to that and add to those words. I couldn't have done it without your belief in me. The belief that you gave me. That everything would be ok...

At times, it must have taken a lot of strength for my Mum to hold on to that hope - but it never wavered.

Hope Springs Forever Eternal. It shall not be broken.

Love You and Miss You Always.